Thursday, August 9, 2007

Summer Reading Sucks Balls

I have been doing summer work a lot... That's part of why I haven't posted much.

Anyways, I still have to finish my french packet, read two novels, and teach myself trigonometry all before August 28th.

Yay me.

In lighter news: A pencil was removed from an elderly German woman's head.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6933721.stm

Sunday, July 29, 2007

We Are Anonymous. We Are Hackers On Steroids.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNO6G4ApJQY

Everything in this video is a lie.

I am Anonymous. I don't do those Habbo raids and shit, but, come on. This just makes us out to be so much worse than we really are.

NO ONE is a random target. All raid targets are chosen for some reason or other. Usually for being emos or furries. We won't "disturb your life" for no reason.

NO ONE ever gets hurt. EVER. Annoying phone calls are the absolute worst thing that will happen.

NO ONE took that bomb threat seriously. Come on.

We are not hackers on steroids. We are bored out our minds and have nothing better to do than sit on an internet imageboard and trade memes.

Most Anonymous are 40-year old men who live in their mom's basement. NOT DOMESTIC TERRORISTS.

We are not serious about the racism thing. We just pretend to be.

FOX News reporters should not be allowed to say the words "Epic lulz."

We didn't blow up that van. You made that up. That wasn't even the Party Van.

If someone tries to spoil the new Harry Potter book, does that really constitute being a domestic terrorist?

Most /i/nvasions aren't even funny. They're not a big deal.

Many Anonymous are pedophiles. We make fun of people who commit suicide. We protested furry convention. We post images of people eating shit. We post gruesome pictures of people torn apart in horrible accidents. We laugh at people in trouble. We have no guilt or conciense. We do not forgive. We are blasphemers. We hate most of the people on the planet. Strangely, none of this was mentioned on the FOX News report.

Anonymous invented lolcats. No, seriously, we did. So come on... Can the guys who brought you pictures of cats with funny captions really be that bad?

Have you ever wanted to really get back at someone for something petty? Like if the cashier drops your change on the counter, and it rolls all over the floor, and you know she did it on purpose, and then she gives you a fake "Oops" with a cutesy little smile, and you just wanted to make her life miserable? Anonymous are the people who actually do something about it.

They did get one thing right about Anonymous: None of us are as cruel as all of us. You know it's true.

To be completely serious: Anonymous is not evil. Anonymous is bored and laid-back, and just wants to hang out with other Anonymous. And then when someone pisses us off, they get raided by the minority of Anonymous that actually raid. Then they act like the victim. Then people like FOX get mad at us. They don't mention that these people brought it upon themselves for being pricks.

If you don't want Anonymous to harm you: LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE. We don't want you here. We are the quiet observers, laughing as the world goes to shit. For Bob Ross's sake, just let us be.

P.S. The guy with the blacked-out face got the Anonymous credo wrong. He should be raided for breaking rules 1 & 2.

P.P.S. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, GOOD.

P.P.P.S. If Anonymous ever did blow up a sports stadium, the next day there would be people on the news saying "We did it for the lulz." I guarantee it.

Obscure Animal Of The Week: Mantis Shrimp

Just read the article on Wikipedia, alright? I pretty much just copy it anyways. Also, do a google image search. Mantis shrimp are fugly.

"Hey guys. What's up?"



Wednesday, July 25, 2007

SPOILERS

Concerning Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:

All the rumors you heard are true.

Even the ones I made up.

Also...

VOLDEMORT KILLS THE SORTING HAT.

No one seems to like that spoiler.

I'll get around to posting my opinions on it.

Anyways...

I weighed myself today. I'm down to 166.6 (lol). I don't look it, though. I think the scale's broken. Also, my shorts weigh one pound.

I've been limiting portions now, and I've eliminated snacking. For someone with as little willpower as me, that's a major accomplishment. Of course, while I was adjusting to eating less, I was FUCKING STARVING. It's not so bad now though.

If I actually have lost 20 pounds in the three months or so I've started caring about my health, then I no longer have any sympathy for fat people. I never realized that it was actually easy to lose weight. I feel ashamed that it took me so long to bother doing anything.

On the other hand, if my scale is just broken, then losing weight is fucking hard.

Next subject: The library OMFG.

For the past couple of months, I've had a part-time job at my library. This is a good thing, because it's easier and pays better than Market Basket and I also have access to tons of free stuff, like new DVDs. Anyways, in all the time I've been here, I've been punctual, always on time, usually a few minutes early. ONCE I was five minutes late, but it honestly wasn't a big deal.

The other day, I was scheduled to work the 1-5 shift. I didn't know. I had accidently overlooked it when I put my work schedule down on my calender, and I completely forgot about it.

I was just hanging around my house browsing the darkest corners of the internet, when at 2:45, I got a call from my supervisor/coworker, who said, "I was just wondering if you were coming in today?" in that yuppie/Stepford Wife voice of hers.

"SHIT," I thought to myself. I was feeling pretty guilty about missing my shift, and promised I'd get there right away. I apologized sincerely and then hung up.

As I was putting my shoes on, I thought, "Wait a minute. My shift started at 1:00. WHY THE FUCK DID SHE WAIT TILL QUARTER OF THREE TO CALL?" It's not like the library is a huge business where someone could have just overlooked me until almost two hours later. The only people scheduled in that time slot were me and her. What, she couldn't find time to call?

I got really pissed on my way over. If she'd called at 1:10 and asked where I was, I would have been honestly sorry and I probably would have skipped my break to make up for it. But since she waited an HOUR AND A HALF longer than she should have to call and ask me if I was coming in, I was just mad. Fuck her. I worked my ass off, but I didn't offer to stay after the end of my shift to make up for it.

In lighter news, there are rumors floating around the circulation desk of a raise for part-time workers. If I were superstitious, I'd pray for luck. And drink the Kool-Aid and wear Nikes and a tin foil hat. Good thing I'm a skeptic.

Speaking of which, I secretly laugh at all the people who rent Feng Shui books. And I cry a little inside whenever someone takes out "Natural Cures THEY Don't Want You To Know About." Even the title makes it sound like a conspiracy nut wrote it. But don't worry, Kevin Trudeau isn't a conspiracy nut. He's just a LYING SACK OF SHIT WHO DESERVES TO EAT FLAMING SHIT FOR SCAMMING, DECIEVING, AND ENDANGERING THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.

I mean, I'm all for freedom of speech and all, but this book is actually dangerous. Not dangerous like Harry Potter and other books that drive our children away from God and towards Satanic pagan witchcraft, I mean dangerous like convincing people to shun medical care in exchange for expensive substances which more often than not, don't do anything. In the end, people who listen to what Mr. Trudeau has to say end up with quite a bit less money than before, or, in some cases, they end up dying from cancer because they decided to eat coral rather than go to chemotherapy.

Kevin Trudeau is a despicable person. He's worse than Tom Cruise.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Still Reading...

The Obscure Animal of the Week is... Rabbits.

'K thanks bye.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

SNAPE KILLS AERIS...DUMBLEDORE

Holy fucking shit - I just got Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Bye - I'm gonna go read.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Repost: Speaking Of Vending Machines, It's Vicky!

(This is reposted from my shit Xanga.)

A while back, I was part of a rather odd conversation. Here it is.

I was sitting at the lunch table at school, with my friends and assorted others Jordan, Kyle, Micah, Allison, and a creepy, perverted, white-supremacist named James Cummings. I'm not kidding, that's really his name. Spelled like that and everything. I also know this guy named Dave Wang (He's Chinese or something, I don't know or care), so I said that those two should find some guy named Tom Pussy or something and start a band. Or a comedy troupe. That got some laughs.

Anyways, we got into a bit of satire over Jordan's "I'm a spiritual agnostic" bullcrap and got into a fucked-up conversation about dumbass philosophy. Jordan (not quite getting the joke, and going along with it) said that only he existed, and everyone else was just a figment of his imagination. Pointing to Cummings, I said, "You have a pretty fucked-up imagination." He explained this by saying that Cummings was just an amplified version of all his worst, darkest thoughts.

He also said that I was the embodiment of his failed hopes and dreams. "Jordan wants to be a fat Jewbag?" Exclaimed Cummings. I am fat, but I'm not a Jew. I am a Jewbag, however. There's an important difference.

Rather than answer the question, we decided that the conversation should turn to Mexigans, people of Mexican descent who live in Michigan, which is a completely made up term based on a mispronunciation.

Because we're all 15 year old boys with ADD, the conversation turned to our friend Mario, and the fact that he had two vaginas. Cummings corrected us, saying that he had had Mario's vaginas cut off and had them hanging on a wall. Kyle, in a moment of his amazing comedy, remarked, "And when you press the little button, they sing!" (That's an allusion to the singing bass, in case you're an idiot.)

After we laughed our asses off, attracting the attention of the vice principal and many students, we began talking about vending machines, and Vicky came over to say something. However, she never got to say it, because Kyle said, "Speaking of vending machines, it's Vicky!" We laughed even harder, Vicky turned and left, and we went into a string of weird sex, prostitution, and abortion jokes. By this time, Micah and Allison had left, completely disgusted by what a Y-chromosome does to people.

"Give it money, wait a bit, and a baby pops out!" And other such comments followed until I heard Cummings say the completely out-of-context "And that's why I cry semen."
Completely flabbergasted, (which is the coolest word ever) I inquired into the origins of such a fucking goofy comment.

It turns out that last year, Cummings had been psychologically skull-raped by two fictitious dildos and then got an imaginary skull rape by Alex Mooney, possibly the only person in the world worse than Cummings himself. Cummings then said, pointing towards Micah, who was now farther away than when the conversation began, "She prefers it in the ear," to which I aasked, "Does the baby come out your nose in that case?" Which released a new string of bad jokes.

"Yeah, the baby's hanging on the umbilical cord like a giant snot."

"I'm gonna have an abortion. Ah-choo!"

Etc.

Then the bell rang and we left.

And yeah, I know that there was a Family Guy episode where people started having sex in the ear, but I'm pretty sure this happened before that episode aired.

(I will now give myself a pat on the back for telling random strangers about a you-had-to-be-there moment.)