First Post

The interwebz just got a little bit bigger.

I have a blog.

Again.

I have an abandoned Xanga blog, which I gave up on in the middle of a post. In the middle of a word. I was gonna write "couch," but I just wrote "co," posted it, and never posted again.

But now I have a shiny new eMachines laptop, so I won't have to beat the five other members of my family to write my blog from the one computer we all share.

So yeah. The Google owns.

I just set up my new Gmail account, hayes.flannelshirt@gmail .com, so send me a message if anyone actually reads this. I need to know if people pay attention to me.

There's also the new Google Reader. Hooray. A third podcatcher for me. The iTunes on my PC, the iTunes on my laptop, and now Google Reader. The good thing is they're all free. But if you have Google Reader you need some RSS feeds, so if you have or know of any good blogs, tell me about them.

As you may have guessed, I wear flannel shirts. Every day. I wear an unbuttoned flannel shirt over a white t-shirt with khaki pants and a pair of New Balance sneakers. The heighth of fashion. And people think I'm gay. If I were gay I certainly wouldn't go out looking like my mother picked out my clothes. And, ironically enough, I'd also probably have an easier time getting a girlfriend.

So, introductory entry, I guess I should tell you about myself. I'm a 16 year old guy, just out of my sophomore year at a public high school in the suburban town of Wilmington, Massachusetts. I have a weird, sadistic, schizophrenic sense of humor, and I find almost everything funny. I think a lot of people think I'm crazy because I'll just randomly snicker or crack a smile over something funny I just saw or thought about. I also have difficulty recognizing taboos and borderlines. For example, I break awkward silences with even more awkward statements ("I wonder if a rapist ever had such a small penis that the girl stopped screaming and just laughed. That would really hurt your self-esteem.")

I'm kinda fat, but I've been cutting back on food and walking three miles every day over the summer, and I've now dropped about ten pounds; down to 176. Woo me. I won't be happy till my manboobs disappear. But oddly enough, it wasn't the bitchtits or the thunderthighs that convinced me that I was getting too fat and had to lose weight. It was my armpits. I was putting on deoderant one day, and I realized, "My armpits are fat." I have a roll of fat under my armpit. That's when you really know you have to work out.

I also have fugly feet. It's an odd thing to hate about yourself, but I do. They have hair on the top. My dad's short, I might be part hobbit. I also have had three ingrown toenails on two toes at the same time (figure it out yourself), so now my two big toes have yellowed ugly deformed undersized cracked toenails. Ew.

Yeah, yeah, too much information. Fuck you, no one's making you read it. If you don't like it, just go watch some porn. You know you want to.

I also am a closet atheist. My family is Catholic, and to be honest, it's just easier to grin and bear it and wait till I move out. Just a few more years...

So let me use a common literary tactic and bring it back to the beginning. I can't get a girlfriend because I'm fat, very unattractive, a fervent religious minority, I dress badly, I'm oblivious to social customs, I'm an unfunny nerd, a political nut, and a jackass who will laugh at anything.

Plus a lot of people think I'm gay. That probably plays a part in it.