Time for another day of fun and hypocrites. Blogs are fun and all, and they're a great way to find out what other people are thinking and also to record your thoughts so you can look back on them and see how both you and the world have changed. But if I ever found out that one of my friends had a diary, I'd call him a prissy little faggot and he'd never hear the end of it.
I guess technology can just make anything cool.
Technology pwns. With a lowercase "p."
For the non-1337 among you, that means that it's really cool.
Anyways, back to the title.
These are a few of my most and least favorite things. You already know what I think about children. To recap: Children are useless annoying shitbags who should be subjected to dangerous and immoral scientific research, or at the very least be removed from the general population until they are old enough to be worth anything to society.
Fuck AIDS. Children are the worst sexually transmitted diseases of them all.
I will certainly use this blog to openly state my often strange and offensive views on various parts of our culture (except for Sundays, when I'll discuss some odd and unique animals), and tonight I think I'll talk about school shootings. I'll save the other stuff for another time.
So yeah. School shootings.
You probably think I'm in favor of school shootings, seeing how they cut down on our population of children. However, I'm not. According to a recent study published in the Journal of Stuff I Pulled Out of My Ass, most school shootings happen in high schools and colleges, so they tend to kill the students who are old enough not to automatically piss me off.
If only more kindergarteners brought handguns to school. If only.
Oh sorry, was that intolerant and offensive? FUCK YOU.
And before anyone says "Too soon," I'll say a preemptive FUCK YOU. That Virginia Tech thing was a fucking long time ago.
For once, I take the normal position and say that it's bad to come into a school and kill a bunch of people indiscriminately. Whoop dee doo, Nick's not a total sociopath.
But don't be disappointed! The nut view is right ahead!
Well, I guess before I go any further, I should tell you my political beliefs.
My political beliefs change depending on my mood, company, health, environment, time of day, and whether I'm hungry or not.
Usually, I'm halfway between a Democrat and a Libertarian. I believe strongly in minimal government and personal freedom, but I do believe that some government regulations and services are necessary to furthering our society.
Sometimes when I'm feeling happy and whistful, I'm an anarchist for a little while. My utopia is an anarchy where everyone pitches in and gets involved, eliminating the need for a government. However, pesky reality always ruins my dreams, and I allow practicality to calmly and patiently explain to me that anarchy would invariably end up in a corporate-run totalitarianism full of poverty and disease and that the loss of vital government programs like road systems and the National Guard would leave us without support. Damnit.
Sometimes I can get depressed about the state of the world, when I see a hobo on the street who no one cares about, or a poor women displaced by Hurricane Katrina who can't afford to feed her own family, or hear on the news about some African village that was slaughtered in the senseless genocide, and I become the biggest socialist ever. I give up on the ideals of freedom and come down strongly on the side of justice, and I want a socio-capitalistic economy, where everyone is protected and no one has to live in poverty and we can all just live happy lives. Tax the rich, motherfuckers.
On Monday mornings I hate the world and just want everyone to die. I just wanna phone up bin Laden and give him step-by-step instructions on how to build a nuke. I hate mornings, and Mondays just suck ass.
Speaking of which, my MRI to check out my head is on Monday. If I believed in luck, I'd ask you to wish me it.
"Luck is just probability taken personally." - Some guy. It wasn't Penn Jillette like some people think, it was some guy who he knows. And I'm way to lazy to spend 45 seconds on Google to find the name of the guy who actually said it.
Holy shit, I got really far off the subject there. So, anyways, my libertarian side is the one that kicks in when I think about school shootings, and my solution is an odd one.
MORE GUNS. WE NEED MORE GUNS.
Here's a tidbit to think about: The reason that so many people die in school shootings is because there's only one person in the building with a gun, and it's the person who just went completely fucknutty.
Think about it: If every student had a gun, everyone would be scared shitless to shoot anyone, because they'd know that everyone else in the room would whip out a gun and blow their brains out. It's like the Cold War. The Americans and Soviets were scared out of their nutsacks over the threat of a nuclear war. Neither one dared attack the other, because they knew there'd be a counter-attack and both of them would die.
So you see, if everyone had a weapon, no one would get shot, because there would be immediate consequences.
Then again, there are a lot of people at my school who I wouldn't trust with a gun. Like Jamie Cummings, or Eddie Sheridan, or Eric Kenney (in-joke).
Maybe we should just have more of those rent-a-cops. I'm serious. If we just had three or four of those guys per school, and as long as they were armed, they could easily take out the shooter before he could kill anyone. Or at least before he killed, I dunno, like five or six people. Trust me, it would work. And best of all, it would keep cops off the streets, so they would stop harrassing all the teens who are just minding their own goddamn business. So what is they get stoned every once in a while? They're not hurting anybody.
Hooray for hating cops. I hate to hate them, because honestly, they're here to protect and serve us, and they have a dangerous job and they have to go through some really tough shit. But you know, that doesn't mean that I'm okay with them being total prejudiced douchebags to every kid who wears a Metallica shirt or plays hackysack. They're not all stoners, and even if they were, leave them be. Fuck what you say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with smoking a little pot.
If you're wondering, I don't smoke pot. I might try it someday, but I don't know where to get it.
Shows you how smart I am. I live in suburban Massachusetts, for God's sake. There's marijuana EVERYWHERE and I don't know where to get it.
Oh well. The police aren't usually assholes to me personally, just people I know. It's understandable. I mean, come on. When was the last time you saw a delinquint in a flannel shirt?
So I watched a movie called Idiocracy today while I did my daily four mile walk. It was pretty good. It was about this average guy who got preserved in stasis for five hundred years, and when he woke up, the world was run by idiot rednecks because of the complete dumbing down of American culture and the tendency for stupid people to breed more, so evolution just kind of phased smart people out. So this guy is now the smartest person alive, and has to solve the world's problems. It was pretty funny, because it was sarcastic intellectual comedy, and also because it made fun of rednecks. I hate rednecks. Whenever I listen to Jeff Foxworthy or Bill Engvall, I tend to be laughing at them instead of laughing with them. Not Larry the Cable Guy, though. In case you didn't know, his whole thing is a total act. He's not really a redneck, so I find him funny because he's in on the joke, in a way.
So after my eighty minutes of exercise, I completely blew it by going upstairs and eating a slice of Oreo Cool-Whip pie. As I was eating it, I overheard my parents talk about how China had a booming economy and how their kids had to work so hard in school and that they were one of the top nations in the world, and how Japan was going into a recession and their people weren't educated and how they were declining as a country. I just didn't have the heart to tell them that they were ignorant dumbshits who had it completely back-asswards. Well, I do have the heart to say it, but remember: Just grin and bear it, you can move out in a couple of years. I swear I'm just gonna leave my family behind and not look back. I really can't stand them.
These are the things I think about when I'm bored.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
You're halfway to enlightenment! All you need to do is to study economics so you can learn that the closer we get to socialism the farther we get from justice, and you will have reached nirvana.
Except for the kindergarten shooting fetish, but what the hell!
I get that socialism doesn't usually turn out to well, it's just kind of a utopia thing with me. Damn practicality always ruins my fun.
"My political beliefs change depending on my mood, company, health, environment, time of day, and whether I'm hungry or not." Then you haven't matured enough to have political views.
"Think about it: If every student had a gun, everyone would be scared shitless to shoot anyone, because they'd know that everyone else in the room would whip out a gun and blow their brains out. It's like the Cold War. The Americans and Soviets were scared out of their nutsacks over the threat of a nuclear war. Neither one dared attack the other, because they knew there'd be a counter-attack and both of them would die.
So you see, if everyone had a weapon, no one would get shot, because there would be immediate consequences."
In the majority of school shootings, the shooter has nothing left to loose. Many of them take their lives anyway. Giving everyone access to a gun will allow every moderately annoyed person to shot up his fellow man over minor disagreements which otherwise would have been forgotten about the next day. If murder becomes too easy, it becomes instinct. A hard punch becomes a shot in the head. Then the shooter faces regret for overreacting, but this time he pays for it greatly by jail time or lethal injection rather than a fine.
"So I watched a movie called Idiocracy today while I did my daily four mile walk. It was pretty good. It was about this average guy who got preserved in stasis for five hundred years, and when he woke up, the world was run by idiot rednecks because of the complete dumbing down of American culture and the tendency for stupid people to breed more, so evolution just kind of phased smart people out. So this guy is now the smartest person alive, and has to solve the world's problems. It was pretty funny, because it was sarcastic intellectual comedy,"
Funny movie. Satirical, but easily forseen. I see it more and more everyday.
"I hate rednecks. Whenever I listen to Jeff Foxworthy or Bill Engvall, I tend to be laughing at them instead of laughing with them. Not Larry the Cable Guy, though. In case you didn't know, his whole thing is a total act. He's not really a redneck, so I find him funny because he's in on the joke, in a way."
Okay, I can agree with you disapproval of redneck humor. Its the garbage of American Southern Culture but Wow, of all redneck humor you hate you actually laugh with Larry the Cable guy? You did understand the premise of the movie, "Idiocracy," right? It's easy to feign redneck ignorance, I can do so myself, but it's hardly intelligent. I don't find any of those guys funny however, Ron White has given me a chuckle but, he's a bit of the odd man out and not really a redneck.
When it comes to comedians, I'm more of a Jack Black kind of guy.
Thanks for writing this.
“We would support large Chinese companies doing business in Cambodia, outlet cocktail dress especially in infrastructure projects, hydropower of dams, sell evening dress agriculture, and special economic zones,” he said. “It is Cambodia’s dropship evening dress
Post a Comment