Thanks For Scaring The Shit Out Of Me

Day 3 of drivers ed: A state trooper came in to talk to us.

HE SCARED THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF ALL OF US.

He mostly talked about the dangers of trucks and drugs.

He began by telling us that most trucks are allowed to weigh 100,000 pounds, but in order to increase profit many of them weigh double that.

So basically, whenever you see a big truck on the road, it could weigh fifty tons more than it is legally allowed to.

He also told us that, in order to relieve fatigue, many truck drivers take speed or other drugs to keep them up, which causes so many problems. Then they drink to remove the effects of the drugs.

He also says that 9 out of 10 trucks he inspects are not fit to be driven due to all the safety violations.

He also reminded us of the MASSIVE blind spots, the inability to stop, and the strength of trucks.

If you get into an accident with a truck, chances are thirty to one that you'll die.

And that's just the regular transport trucks. That doesn't count the ones loaded with gasoline, nuclear waste, toxic gases, and combustible compounds that put napalm to shame.

He told us that there are trucks full of chemicals IN MY OWN HOETOWN, which, if hijacked, you could drive the short distance to Boston, throw a homemade Drano bomb in the back, and then kill 250,000 people in one of the most gruesome ways possible (namely, having them bleed from every orifice before they start melting like Raiders of the Lost Ark). It would also linger so that nothing apart from some very hardy microorganisms could live in the area for decades. And that's not even considering that this stuff could be blown around by the wind.

Then he talked about all they ways that truck accidents can kill you, including, but not limited to:
1). Shaving the top of the car clean off and sending your head flying two hundred feet
2). Knocking you onto the passenger seat before rolling over you and snapping you in half
3). Smashing your head against the window and then grasting your face off like when Spiderman shoved the Sandman's head into that subway train
4). Smashing you from behind; snapping your spine and making the steering column tear your face off
5). Other assorted crush-and-splatter methods

I should mention that this was a very intimidating guy. He was tall and muscular, blah blah, but the thing was he had the perfect image: Shaved head, intense stare, loud voice, and that stance; the glaring, looking-down-at-you, hands folded, uniformed, "If-you-fuck-with-me-I'll-bite-out-your-heart-and-eat-it" stance. Fuck the surge, all we need is for this dude and his poker buddies to go to Iraq and we'll win.

He says he'll come back later in the week to talk to us about other stuff, including drugs, alcohol, and why if we do them he'll rape our mothers and put us in jail for life.

On an unrelated note, Don Johnson is a pervert. We watched one of those instructional videos stressing the importance of wearing a seat belt. He picked a girl from the audience, and they sat next to each other in this seat rig. He "pretended" to use some bad pickup lines on his "imaginary date." Then he fucking KISSED this high school (probably underaged) girl who he'd never met and said, "You look great in that seat belt." Then the documentary ended. Just like that. I mean, what the FUCK?

Also, I had Reese's for breakfast.

No, not candy! Reese's Puffs Cereal! It's like a wild explosion of peanut-butter and chocolatey taste.

Reese's Puffs Cereal. It's Reese's. For breakfast!

The moral of the story is: Never drive near trucks, respect the state troopers